I Was Wrong Too

You were wrong for tearing our relationship apart the way you did. You were wrong for lying to me & letting me think I could save something I had already lost. You were wrong to say all those things I can't un-hear. You weren't wrong for letting me love you.

I was wrong for letting us get torn apart. I was wrong for not saving what we had before it was lost. I was wrong for not realizing I was losing you & all I wanted was you. I was wrong for letting you say those things to comfort my heart & knowing I would never un-hear them. I was wrong for wanting you to mean them.

I cry as I read back through text messages that say the sweetest things but I ignored for hurt feelings. I should have listened to my feelings! Like get in the car & have cake with this man regardless of how long you just waited to not have cake with him. I should have realized that was you saying, I want you here even though I know you'll be angry with me; I still want you here! I was wrong for not doing it even though that was what I really wanted was to be with you regardless of how I felt. I was wrong.

I was wrong for thinking you weren't going anywhere ever. I was wrong for thinking you wouldn’t leave me & there was nothing to worry about. I was wrong for not making sure you didn’t want to go anywhere else. I was wrong for letting someone walk in & have you, without fighting for you (I would have, I should have). I'm sorry you didn't know I loved you enough to not walk away. I never knew 1 week would undo my forever. I was wrong.

You were wrong for taking our private moments & putting someone else in them. You were wrong for holding on to me longer than you should have. You were wrong for letting me boost & champion you while you knew that you were betraying my trust. You weren't wrong to want to feel loved & adored.

I was wrong for not showing you how much I love & adore you. I was wrong for not telling you that I would shatter if you walked away. I was wrong for not knowing you were out looking for someone else. I was wrong for giving you away because I refused to believe you would go. I was wrong for not knowing what you needed to stay. I should have showered you with the affections I wanted instead of the ones I thought you wanted. I was wrong.

You were wrong for sending me John Legend "This Time" lyrics & not meaning all of it. You were wrong for letting me think that things were good between us. You were wrong for crossing a line you knew you were crossing.

I was wrong for thinking we were better while everything seemed as they once were. I was wrong for thinking things would stay as they were when your actions said they weren't. I was wrong for pretending it didn’t bother me to see you with someone else. I was wrong for never putting my foot down & being too afraid to confront you. I should have been better & stronger.

I am sorry that I didn’t realize I was losing you. You were worth fighting for, for so many reasons. I should have made sure you understood how amazing you were for me. I thought I was doing enough & I never thought you would be “that” guy. The one who breaks your heart when you least expect it. The guy you can’t trust farther than you can throw him.

I wasn’t paying attention to the fact of the matter which is, you were “that” man. That man I appreciated for loving me even when I made it difficult. That man who I uplifted & prayed over because I love. You were that man who I freely gave my heart & forgot to make sure I had your heart secured. You were that man & I am sorry I didn't make sure you knew.

I know you made the decision your heart needed.  I hope one day you can forgive me because I was wrong too.