I look at my childhood & remember my cousin
Cherrelle always being a good Mom. You just knew her 4 year old self was going
to make an amazing Mom. Now that she’s all growed up, she is a great Mom! She was
always the one to take care of me when my asthma took me out. When I threw up
on the floor & couldn’t open my eyes to clean it up because I would throw
up again she would clean it. She would say it’s okay Jenny go lay down I’ll do
it for you (I cry now at the memory). She would come sit in the bed with me
while I was sick & watch TV even if I could only lay there barely breathing.
She is 4 years younger than me so she was always going to be who she is, a
great Mom. I however was the let’s go find the end of this tunnel in the ditch
kid (she would go if I promised we would be fine). I was the let’s climb this
tree & eat these berries we have no idea what they are kid (she ate them
only after I ate them). She was always nice so when a girl older than her was
picking on her I threatened that girl. Then that girl picked on her when I wasn’t
there & I went to her house to beat her up! I didn’t have to though she
left my cousin alone from that day forward. That was just who I was.
Even looking at my little sister she is who she
has always been. She has always liked clothes, makeup & girlie things. She used
to steal my makeup when she was like 8 or so & do God knows what but she
wanted some even then. She was always trying to dress up me, her dolls &
everything else. She likes people & being close to you. I was always trying to be left alone & read or take her
outside to play. Now she designs her own clothes & models. She is who she
always was. She has always been super serious but she likes to laugh. She doesn’t
get overly excited by anything. Unless you count how many times she made me
watch Lion King so that I now know every word of the entire movie. Even on
Christmas she would wait for me to wake up or come ask me when I was going to
get up. I on the other hand spaz out about things & she used to get excited
with me but not the same. She still tells me I’m like a 12 year old because you
know she’s so grown up!
I have always been the protector come to your rescue
person. The jump on the bed & totally spaz over water balloons! The outfit I
had on in the mirror was who I’ve always been. All my coloring books show
Barbie in some brightly colored coordinating outfit that screamed fun except I had
been trying my whole life to be not that girl. I was trying to be fun but calm.
Dress how I want but not draw attention because if my insecurities. Problem is I
have always been who I am. I’ve always been a leader & not a follower. I’ve
lost a lot of friends because I wouldn’t do the things they wanted me to do on
account of I didn’t wanna. I’ve always been a reader & adventurer (that’s
why I read). I like learning new things & I know a bunch of random facts
that serve no purpose except that I know them & I like it.
I’ve always been sure that life is fun &
worth living except somewhere along the way I had started to try to convince
myself whoever I was wasn’t who I was supposed to be. I was supposed to be this
super serious super grown up college graduate. I was supposed to be smart but
not fun. I was supposed to be smart but not be proud of my accomplishments. I
was supposed to be happy living inside someone else’s idea of life. I was
supposed to be exactly who I wasn’t……if that sounds impossible believe me it is
too!
Well that all ends today! Today & this day
forward I am exactly who I was! I hope that someone reads this & realizes
that exactly who they were, is exactly who they are! Maybe then you can start
living the life you were supposed to have been living this whole time! God Bless Everyone Who Reads This!
